I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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