True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
