I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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