Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
