my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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