i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
