and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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