It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
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i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You have to summon your inner elephant
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
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I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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