so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
