does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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