I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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