My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Is it because I queefed?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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