RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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