Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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