He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
