you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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