my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
