we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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