It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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