Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Found the puke drawer
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
