marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
