do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
