I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
