Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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