I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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