I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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