Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
