my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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