Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
