she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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