Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
