I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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