Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just high enough for therapy.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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