I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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