Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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