I hate all girls vehemently.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
