Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
