Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
