Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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