But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
