it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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