just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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