just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
