singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
