Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
