the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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