Jerry, you need to find god
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
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You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
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I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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