We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
