Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
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I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
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I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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