Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
