My sheets look like a crime scene.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
