Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
