he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
