i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
