haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
