i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
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I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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