so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just forgot I was standing up.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
