So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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