I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
