no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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