Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
