You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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