Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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