is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
foreskin is a definite game changer
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize