dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
