Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
